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Tell Me About A Time You Shit Your Pants

Every one of us either was or knows one of those kids that can’t stop asking why. No matter how thoughtful and detailed the response to a question is the kid cannot stop asking why until whichever well-meaning, indulging adult tells him to STFU. I was that kid. I’m now that adult.

My tendency toward inquiry greatly aids in my being both a pretty good conversationalist and a decent writer. It helped me in dating and in awkward situations and in work as a freelance journalist. So when I recently found out that a lot of new bloggers turn to prompts to get them going all I could think was, “God, I’d love to write prompts for new bloggers, get them thinking and writing about things I want to know.”

Imagine this dude from Dateline is interviewing you. I tried to find out his name but since Googling "old skeleton dude from Dateline" didn't work then we'll never know.

Imagine this dude from Dateline is interviewing you. I tried to find out his name but since Googling “old skeleton dude from Dateline” didn’t work then we’ll never know.

Here is a list of writing prompts I’d love to see bloggers take on.

  1. Tell me about a time you shit your pants.
  2. Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?
  3. Do you think everyone thinks they’re a good photographer?
  4. Who do you think would win in a fight- Kris Jenner or Omarosa?
  5. Do you have that friend you make plans to hang out with and then remember as soon as you see them that you kind of hate them or is it just me?

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6. Do you find the idea of super quick engagements incredibly romantic, incredibly stupid or both?

7. Would you rather be able to go without food or without sleep forever?

8. Don’t you find it a little odd that almost everyone calls their significant other their “best friend” even couples with nothing in common and especially couples that will never talk to the other person again once they break up?

9. If you were adopted would you want to know?

10. Is it ever really okay to dance like no one’s watching?

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11. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

If you end up using any of these blogs let me know. I’d love to read your response. Inquiring minds and all that.

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A Few of My Favorite Things

You know that moment in your day when one bad thing can become magnified into everything that is wrong with your life and create a tsunami of frustration/sadness/aggravation? That traffic jam, that broken grocery bag handle, that missing cup of beloved sweet n sour sauce. Nearly every day I have moments like this, moments where I’m outraged that the good day I feel entitled to becomes marred. It is that entitlement that takes me away from being able to appreciate everything in my life going right big and small, that stops me from noticing that I have a job, a home, a boyfriend and the most hilarious, supportive and entertaining friends and family a girl could want. It stops me from being happy that I have a nice car to get stuck in traffic in, money to buy the groceries now rolling down the gd driveway and…that’s where I have to stop. There is nothing redeemable about chicken nuggets without sweet n sour. They’re necessary. Like silpats to baking or pore minimizer to Bruce Jenner.

You're just jealous because other than the dick I have a better body than you. (He's not wrong)

You’re just jealous because other than the dick I have a better body than you. (He’s not wrong)

Whenever I have these thoughts I start working on reversing my negativity by counting my blessings and internally I am always able to bring myself around. Still it has occurred to me that it would be rad if there was a place I could go to that would expedite the frown turning upside down, an external source for busting up entitltement. Since I couldn’t find such a place I decided to create it. I present to you The Unentitlement Project. Any time you’re feeling like a nugget without its sauce, come on over.

Since it’s day one, I’m not going to go too deep. I’m just going to write a quick poem to the tune of My Favorite Things:

Meatballs on pasta and caramel on ice cream

Banging Mark Wahlberg in a really long dream

My sausage fingers all covered in rings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Rocky Balboa pounding Apollo

Watching Real Housewives because I am shallow

Ignoring the calls of creepers that cling

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Dogs wearing sweaters and cops without radar

Dancing with men who set off my gaydar

A bucket of blue cheese and all of the wings

These are a few of my favorite things

 

When the boss lurks

When the cramps hurt

When I’m as broke as a bum

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel soooo glum

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