Twas the Night Before My Egg Nog Enema

Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Came the sound of me sloshing
More wine on my blouse

For months I’ve worked hard
And suspended my naughty
I’ve run around ragged
And taken years off my body

I bought gifts for my friends
My mom and my boss
And hustled around Target
Marshalls and Ross

If that bitch Karma knows
What I am owed
I’ll get cash and clear spirits
Delivered in loads

I’ve cleaned and I’ve cooked
And wrapped more than Dre
Can’t wait for my efforts
To be undone in one day

As Bob Seger would say
We’ve got tonight
To bask in the tinsel and
Holly and lights

So let’s drink and let’s dance
And feel all sorts of merry
Before stepping on the scale
To a number that’s scary

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